so i ended up ke kampus kmrn. it was pretty boring, similar case, similar fraud, similar error. argh!
anyway, ive been thinking abt my present and future lately so much. and just yesterday i had this coincident. i borrowed this book from maya. it’s called “being 20something is hard” fascinating title aite? haha. it’s abt quarter life crisis. i read this book in SB class and out of the blue erik asked me “lo kl tar nikah suami lo ga bolehin lo kerja gmn nda?” and well, i answered “ya gpp, lbh bgs itu. males gw kerja pusing! haha”. that was not the 1st time someone asked me that and surprised by my answer. yes, they expect me to have answer like “no! i would wanna a divorce!” haha. thats a lesson for you dear, do not judge a book by its cover 🙂 To be honest, since, i dont know maybe like the last 1 or 2years ive lost interest in having a career haha. dont know. interestingly, a close friend of mine, diandra also feels the same thing. knapa gw jadi bgini?
well, diandra and I have umm kinda similar personality. we used to dream big and have lots of fantasies! she was my HSmate. i had this dream of being a very successful lawyer *i was obsessed with elle woods haha* and she was always wanted to be an expert in food-tech. well, now i am studying in Sekolah Bisnis Manajemen and she’s studying commerce in auckland. is this something you called destiny? IDK! BIG QUESTION! and neither of us want to be a career woman *like we used to love to do*, instead we just wanna be a housewife haha. we talked abt this thing like early this year and came to the conclusion where maybe deep inside of our thought we feel like we have enuff and maybe now we want a knight in a shining armour to make our fairytale comes true. then i read this “20something” book and realized that this is what they called quarter life crisis. but puh-lease, i wasnt even 20 when i had this thinking. am i actually a 30years-old soul trapped in 20years-old body?
and lately ive been having this thought that ive not done anything enough. i spent like hours on facebook, catching up on my old friends. and theyve done many many things. things that were once my dream. let me give you a glimpse:
Friend A: living a life in LA. just joined sorority. travel the world, going to exotic places like cabo, capri, etc. *sorority ppl!! omygawd! that must be extremely hillarious!
Friend B&C: living a life in seattle and sf (respectively). had an internship in PriceWaterhouseCooper and oh i forgot the name but it is famous one (also respectively, i am too lazy to write hee)
Friend D: just moved from seattle to OC. had internship as a counselour in international school in jkt *i forgot which one*. and well she’s like a total bestfriend w/ a piano.
Me: live in bandung. had um well not-so-internship at yellowpages *and that’s with my father’s help huff.. thanks daddy* and well.. what else?
frankly speaking, i am so jealous with them! huuuuuuuu.. okaaay, part of me say well, you’re doing yours. no need to be jealous. but well, i am just a human people! i wanna be like them! huu do u understand me? i cannot wait to graduate and start living my dream! for a start, i wanna go abroad and start learning foreign language! *italy or france maybe? haha. but i am afraid, i am getting older and well, more responsibility comes but i am willing to take chances. support me people!!
dont know whats happening with me now. ive been babbling for the past 30mins. haha. maybe it’s my hormones from PMS idk. i just wanted to get this outta my chest. usually, i have this kinda conversation w/ pram and fatia at ardjuna poolside with snowball ice cream in front of us. but since fatia’s sick, i may have to wait to have that long conversation. they know my ambition and dream best i think. get well soon fat!!! cant wait to invade ardjuna! haha.
anyway, let me know your thoughts. have u ever felt something like this before? like you are just not enough? i’d be so happy to know ur story
note: this is not me bragging or not being not grateful for everything Allah SWT has given me *Alhamdulillah ya Allah!. it is just me wanting to achieve more. *does it make any difference? idk!